GM Announces Plan to Save Homeowners, Auto Industry and Retailers

Not long after receiving a federal bailout General Motors announced today their new “Mortgage too heavy? Move to a Chevy!” program to provide a lifeline to victims of foreclosure while turning around failing demand for its line of cars.   The new program is designed to allow underwater homeowners to swap out their homes and move into a brand new vehicle from General Motors.

With the price of the average American home hovering around that of a 2008 midsized sedan, General Motors Rick Wagoner thought the time was right for this innovative program.  “Remember when you had to be a wealthy Hollywood star to live in Malibu.  Well now even the poorest former homeowner can too just by going to their local Chevy dealership, where there are enough Malibus for everyone, at bargain basement prices.”  Wagoner then went on to highlight the advantages of living this way,  ”…unlike a typical home, with only a front and a back door,  this one has four doors.  Think of it as a private entrance for each family member.  Now that’s luxury!”

Retailers have also applauded the move.  Ellen Davis, Vice President of the National Retail Federation, saw an opportunity.  “Empty stores have meant empty parking lots”, said Davis.  To deal with this problem NRF and GM have partnered to rent those spaces to new GM homeowners.  Davis went on “Its a win-win situation, our customers get a home, a place to park it and access to the clean bathrooms in our stores which means we’ll finally be able to generate foot traffic in time for the next holiday season.”

When asked about GM’s past failures to improve fuel efficiency Wagoner responded, “We are now providing a way to reduce green-house gas emissions from homes by 100%.   You know how much less fossil fuel it takes to heat a Buick than a 2000 square foot house?  Lets see Toyota top that!”

Wagoner expects to capture 20% market-share of the 10 million foreclosures expected next year leading to a net increase in vehicle sales of 2 million in 2009 alone.

Executives and workers at cross-town rival Chrysler have alredy expressed interest in the program not as competitors but as actual buyers.  Executives for Cerberus, Chrysler’s owner, could not be reached for comment.

Even with this innovative program GM’s famous marketing strategy “A car for every purse and purpose” has not been forgotten.  For those that haven’t been hit as hard by the economic downturn GM offers a a more spacious 2-bedroom Homevee which sleeps both you and your foreclosed neighbors comfortably, although your comfort may vary.